"Did you get your money?" ask the wife of the dentist who had just return from the delinquent patient's home. "Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he insulted me, and gnashed my teeth at me!" - zobacz
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." - zobacz
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus." "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia." - zobacz
"Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?" "Quite simple," said the doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite haul it out." "Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head." "What do you want a cod's head for?" "Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!" - zobacz
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market." "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me." - zobacz
"Hello?" the blonde responded answering the phone. Hearing no response, she repeated, "Hello?" "I'll bet you want me to come over and take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you until dawn." the male voice whispered. "Scheesch! You're good." she replied. "You mean you can tell all that from two hello's?" - zobacz
"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy's tooth." "Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!" "Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office." - zobacz
"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist. "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?" - zobacz
"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?" - zobacz
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo." - zobacz
"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill." - zobacz
"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward." - zobacz
"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the teacher. " 'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . ." "Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots." "Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier." - zobacz
"Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. "But doc, this is my first operation." "Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all." - zobacz
1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off. - zobacz