"A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate. The barman says "That'll be 80p [ATP]!" - zobacz
"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade." - zobacz
"Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" "Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What thing is that?" "Nothing!" - zobacz
"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!" - zobacz
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." "Next time, take off the candles." - zobacz
"I guess I didn't get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" "You're still here!" - zobacz
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'" - zobacz
"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms!" - zobacz
"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!" - zobacz
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me." - zobacz
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . ." - zobacz
"Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes," said the gym teacher. "Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy." "I'm freewheeling, sir." - zobacz
"Look at that speed!" said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. "Hmph!" snorted the other. "You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!" - zobacz
"My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!"said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' "No-spaghetti!'' - zobacz
"My birthday's coming" Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?" - zobacz